Met an old pirate on one of the smaller Caribbean islands. In talking to him I noticed he had a hook for one hand and a patch over one eye. Being a nervy type, I asked about the injuries. He told me he'd lost the hand in a sword fight. The eye was another story. It happened when a seagull flew over his ship and pooped in his eye. "Seagull poop did that?" I asked. "Not really," he said, "It was my first day with the new hook."