My hubby and I have bought a house. We are in the process of moving, with the "Big day" on Saturday. We've been painting, and doing all kinds of stuff to get the place ready. We also got a VA loan because my hubby had been in the Air Force for a couple of years. I'm exhausted from all the painting and crap, but Im excited about the house. I even was balanced enough one day to stand on a ladder (against my hubbys wishes) to help trim. Most days I can not, but on really good days I can. It feels weird though. Thats some of the background story... So last night I was talking to my older sister, who I can tell by the tone of her voice disapproved with us getting a VA loan because my hubby was only in the service for a couple of years, is also very unhappy with me because of me still drawing disability retirement. I am entitled to it until such a time that I no longer have Meniere's (no cure in sight) or I make more than a set amount at my job. I make pretty good money now, but the catch is that they changed the disability retirement rules and if I ever drop it, I'll never get it again under the new rules. (new rules state you have to work 8 years before being disabled and must be approved within one year of onset by Social Security Disability to receive benefits again). You have one year. The disability retirement folks and my dr have suggested I hold on to the benefit for as long as I can to ensure its there if the spins get really bad again. I know it doesn't matter what my sister thinks, but somehow I don't want to seem like a pariah because Im hanging on to something as a safety net for the "just in case"... What kicks me is SHE has Meniere's also with drop attacks and the whole smeal. She says its not MM, its fibromyalgia or migraine related, but the dx she was given was menieres. So that irritates me. My hubbys sister is getting married in June. She has some issues, mainly she has decided I am the reason they don't have a good relationship, even though they didnt LONG before we met. After their dad died it got worse. LOTS worse. I've tried on several occasions to reach out to her and be kind and sisterly only to have her ignore me or hurl unfounded accusations at me. So after the last polite but delusional exchange with her, I decided Im pretty much done with her. Im not sure we will even get a wedding invite and if we don't Im not going. Is this right? I wasn't invited to her bridal shower two weeks ago, but have been invited to a "money tree" couple shower where we are expected to contribute to the money for their honeymoon. We have about every dime tied up in the new house, and I don't think we can toss in much. Anyhow, I've asked lots of questions about the wedding and tried to get all excited about it with her, but have been kept totally in the dark. We know the date, maybe the time and that it is at his church (where ever that is). I was told I am not allowed to know anything about the honeymoon location because they are not telling anyone where they are going. Im really irritated about all of this. Now some know that we lived in a house full of mold (which is what I believe set off my menieres) and we moved out, leaving some things in storage (rubbermaid totes and the like) at that old house that my mother in law manages (it belongs to my hubbys grandfather who is in a VA home)... We were originally told we could keep stuff stored there in the attic, but as soon as we started looking at houses, my SIL (who is getting the house) demanded we get our stuff out before the wedding. No prob, we have been filtering the stuff out and into the new house since we closed two weeks ago, and will get the rest after we are moved in saturday. My MIL is fixing up the house for her and PAYING her to paint and do repairs. She refused to fix the house when we lived there even though I got sick. We were allowed to make minor fixes (new stove, or gas logs) in exchange for rent but were never allowed to make the repairs that would have fixed the mold issue. So Im pretty ticked about this, we have told them there is a mold issue and they fluffed it off, made the repairs and went on their way. The guy she is marrying has 3 kids, so I guess when they get sick maybe they will listen. Im upset they have basically said I was making up the mold (despite the black and orange fuzz growing on the walls they said was normal) and have dismissed that it contributed to me being sick and losing my job 4 years ago. We won't even go into my younger sister saying rude things to me at a higher than normal rate right now. So the hubby and I are working to get things situated and settled as we move into our new house. All of this stress has caused a spike in my tinnitus and lots of pain and pressure in my ears. Other than about two good days, my balance has sucked. I go back to the dr in the morning for my annual "you still have meniere's" report. Im having trouble hearing conversations now if there is ANY background noise. So I know Im not getting better. My spins seem to be when Im stressed or haven't had my meds. But dang Im wore slap out and stressed too... What I need is a vacation. Thanks for listening... :-(
Abby Says: Yikes - you have TOO MUCH family around. Just let them be and do your own thing. I do remember all your troubles with their moldy house. I think you and hubby should just look after you and hubby. If family calls, be polite. If they need help, help them if you can. Other than that, they are not part of your life. I certainly couldn't handle all that emotional crap and my MD isn't anywhere near as bad as yours. Give yourself an opportunity to get better and forget all those losers.
I remember your issues with the house and your family. Here is my take on the recent challenges: Congrats on your new house! I don't care if your husband served for one year or ten years, WHY shouldn't he take advantage of any benefits that he earned? Sounds like your sister is a miserable person to try to make you feel less than happy about the house. And with regards to disability, it is not her place to judge and determine about whether you should or should not collect it. My gut says if the situation was reversed she would feel no qualms about the disability. And with this disease we never know if tomorrow is the day that you go backwards again. With regards to your mother-in-law and sister-in-law......I guess I will simply say that since I can't say anything nice I won't say anything at all. ;D Quick reminder to that thing about karma...what goes around comes around. YOU have been the better person through this all and even though your mother in law and other family treated you like crap, you focused and have figured out a way to make a better life for you and your family. That is something to be proud of! You and your husband (i.e..your family) are the things to focus on. Forget everyone else. Don't even waste a breath talking to them or explaining. You don't have to explain or justify yourself to them. Ever. I am really happy that you are in a good place right now! Be happy!
Congrats on the new home and that's what you and your husband will make it, a home, not just some house you live in. It sounds like you have a jealous sister and a mom that enables that. I know it sucks but try to keep everything she says in perspective. You can say things like, Well thanks for your opinion, gotta go I have things I need to do. Or let's just agree to disagree. I think it sounds like she's feeding off of making you stressed and we all know how bad that is for MM. Some people just don't get it, it's as simple as that, whether she is sick too or not. Don't let her project misery onto to you when this should be a happy time for you. It sounds like you have a great husband, a great partner and a good friend, concentrate on that for awhile. Sometimes we need to take space from even our family to help ourselves! Good luck and try to enjoy this new start and by all means do whatever you need to financially to survive. You deserve it. No one can take away from you and your husband.
