I was talking with a friend of mine at lunch today and he was complaining a ton about how he can't stand his in-laws. Basically, they're very needy and self-centered and things like that. Then I got to thinking that too often I hear people complain about their in-laws. I got to thinking that my wife and I are pretty lucky because we both get along really, really well with our respective sides of the family. Just wondering as a sort of informal poll here, do most people have good luck with in-laws? How are your relationships with yours?
My in-laws live in CA I live in Ohio. Only met my sister in laws twice and my mother in law three times now she has past. I get along with them just fine but because they never bother to come see us and are well to do (globe hoppers) I see the pain in my husbands eyes. My husband seems to get along with my parents just fine calls my Dad, Dad but my mother and him while they get on do not like each other just stay out of each others way. Honestly is my mothers fault his LOL
My brother in law is a true champ & we get along really well. On a side, what would also be interesting to determine is how cultural expectations influence the degree in which people dislike their in-laws - as we're generally expected to like in-laws. Why this is I'm not quite sure. Genetic hubris/prejudice? For instance if a culture or family expectation were to force two or more people together, who otherwise wouldn't gravitate towards the other on their own esteem, would that expectation or demand amplify possible irritation. Take a woollen sweater that ever so slightly itches you when you wear it. Left to your own inclinations you wouldn't complain about the slight irritation you receive by wearing it, when you want to wear it. Now force that person to wear it when they're disinclined, or to wear it more often than they otherwise would & communicate your expectation of them to like it. Chances are what was 'a really nice fitting jumper that’s a little itchy' subsequently transmogrifies into 'an evil fuqing sweater'.
I'm sorry to read that about your in-laws. ((hugs)) My MIL is reliable, dependable, and we genuinely get along.
Mine died before i met my husband. My loss. I think the perspective of in laws changes a little when we become the parents in law.
I guess I can see that (though I have a ways to go before I get there). Now when you say the perspective changed, do you think it was for the positive or for the negative? Asked another way, does becoming the parent in law make you more open to accepting the son/daughter in law, or make you more protective of your own offspring?
I think parents always feel protective of their offspring no matter the situation, inlaws or no inlaws. When you have raised a child from 0-adulthood, it is confusing to be marginilized when that child grows up, gets married, has a family etc. It is the natural order of the world but it is still confusing that one day you are responsible for everything in that childs life and in the blink of an eye, you are not just extra baggage but villainized as the dreaded in law. But parents have been on both sides of it by then so most keep a sense of humor and adjust. And still stand ready to be there for the child if they find themselves in need going forward.
Despite the vows, the fact is that the spouse 'may' be there for you for life, the parents 'will' be there for life. In most cases, not all of course.
I have ex-in-laws. Does that count. I love 'em. They still consider me to be family and we live down the road from one another so we all see one another very often between kids, the ex, them, me, our partners, etc.
Loved my in laws. Miss them. Now the woman who called herself mother, that's a whole other story. My mother in law was a wonderful woman and raised me from the time I married her son at 18. She was more of a mother to me. Everybody has family problems. Be it immediate family, in laws, or extended family. That's just the way it is. We adapt.
Love my in-laws, both my MIL and FIL are really great, my BIL is my best friend and I met my wife through him, she's a few years older so in High school she wouldn't give me the time of day, as the years passed we became better friends she even came to my first wedding, and was often at my house for dinners and parties. Nothing ever happened between us, then after I separated from my first wife we became even better fiends and fell in love. Those of you from the old board probably remember I posted my some wedding photos in 2010. I'm a very lucky guy.
My MIL lives with us. She stays to herself alot so as not to be in our faces all the time, but it's a challenge living with her. She's 72 and has COPD with chronic bronchitis, yet smokes all the time. She's at that age where bathing is not one of her virtues, Mind you, we live in S.W. Florida. It's freaking hot in the summer. I've had to hire an aide to come in once a week to get her in a shower. Sometimes I forget what it's like to have the house to myself. ???
I hope you get lots of breaks, rottiesrule. Even with the best person in the best health and the best relationship, it is just hard to have someone else 'share' your home. I grew up with my grandparents in the house. It was great for a little kid, not so great for my parents.
Hey RR The beat goes on, huh? I know how stressful this was at the time and I hope you and hubby are holding up well.
My former in laws were just strange people, I saw very little of them and even that was too much. My mum always said.............. marry an orphan........... she did - never had to worry about inlaws ;D