For anyone who may be reaching the same conclusion as Debbie, and feeling hopeless, please call - The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-TALK (8255), provides access to trained telephone counselors, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week
i send my thoughts and prayers. I would talk to my doctor about surgery if this has you thinking about taking your life. Maybe contact those who have had such surgeries.
I deeply apologize for this inappropriate post, I wish I could delete it, but I can't. Unfortunately, I've been proven you are not a troll or sock puppet and will help contribute.
Debbie, please reconsider and get help. When the clock strikes midnight on Dec. 31/Jan. 1. I will be trying to get mommy in the sac and a little action to bring in the New Year and instead of performing my best I will now be worried about my friend Debbie an if she is alive. So in a way you will have ruined 3 people's New Years! Yours, mine and my wife's so please get some help. If there is anything I can do for you do not hesitate to contact me. You, me and my wife will have a lot more enjoyable New Years Eave and New Year. I am here is you need help Debbie. Joe/Bulldogs
I think all who read this thread will be concerned. I know I'll be wondering on that day. I wish we had heard from her again. To me, it's a very concerning situation.
You are right BB we need to hear from Debbie what is her reaction to all the support, advice and concern. She is not all new in the boat. We can all.understand how she feels. So Deb please let us know how you are. Thanks.
Hi Debbie, I don't know your age or if you are still reading post but I hope things are better for you. I have bilateral MM plus other disease to deal with so I know life can be a bitch. It might have been easier to take myself out but if I had I would have never known my grandchild. I know there's really nothing I can say to make you feel better but I hope you are getting help.
Wow, so glad I didn't read what you quoted when I was really feeling bad. I'd have moved up my deadline to that day. I was already kicked off the Suicide Forum because I didn't know you aren't supposed to say you are going to kill yourself on there. Will I now be banned from this forum because I am considered a troll and a sock puppet because i try to utilize this site to feel better by playing the games and then I come and really speak out on how I feel because I am sick and tired of fighting this wretched dragon by myself? I have posted plenty and find that the majority seem to have very well controlled Meniere's Disease which allows them to continue to lead very healthy and normal lives. Well, I don't and can't. Every one left me when I got sick and could no longer do the things I used to do with them, like hike, play tennis, volley ball, go out to a restaurant to eat. I am on disability and technically should NOT be driving, but I have no one who can help me. I don't even have anyone who cares enough to check and make sure I am alive once a year forget about once a month, a week or gods forbid daily. My doctor has given my prognosis as poor, consider how that would make you feel. I have always been strong and independent. Now I need people and I have no one. I continue to try to make people think everything is okay when it isn't. I came here today as I have received a couple emails from people on the forum asking me to check in. I read through this and well, at first I am overwhelmed at the support. However, it only takes one person to make a comment referring to me as a troll and a sock puppet to make me wish I had a very aggressive cancer. For those that have inquired and care, I am still alive. However, I am not to the point of changing my expiration date. Yet.
Debbie, glad you checked in, have you tried other suicide support forums? There must be many. As you can see many people here care about you and have been checking to see how you are. Granted we probably do not live close but we are real people, caring about you and checking up on you. As you can see I posted a thread about an antiviral that can kill viruses and I know there are other drugs they are working on atm to do that same thing. Meniere's will be cured, it is just a matter of time. Hope is always there if we are here to embrace it. There are countless studies and research going on trying to find a cure. The university of Sydney developed an instrument where they can actually see the inner ear and they have a lot of research going on. Dr. Carol Fosters group thinks they found the answer to MM and can disable it, her study has been in the works. Don't give up a cure will happen, I think sooner than later.
Glad to hear from you Debbie. Let me offer food for thought. As long as you (or i ) make our decisions based on what other people do or say, we will be helpless because we cannot change other people, and they will inevitably put their own needs first. The only way we can have power is by depending on our own thoughts and actions. Focus on what you can do, how you can interpret things so they make your life happier, not the opposite. Interpret everything as a win for you. Work at it. Did you ever notice how very successful people do that, almost to the point of being silly? That is because it works. Do not waste time grading other people's performance. It's a waste of time, they arent going to change. It's hard when you have suffered as much loss as you have, but you can make your life better. Yes, some people here have it easier than you do, for sure. But i suspect some people have it harder too. Good luck, hang in there. You are a capable person. I know you can do it.
I also wanted to let you know many on these forums are not controlled yet. They have been trying all different off the label treatments and some with no success yet, but they keep on trying new things and some of these people are bilateral and some have found symptom relief from some treatments. I know symptom relief is not a cure but as I mentioned in my previous psot they are working on that. Hang in there Debbie, we know how rough it can be, but we are all here for each other while we go through this journey and we go through it together.
Debbie I'm so glad you decided to post today. We've been very worried about you and many of us have had you in our thoughts and prayers. No one but you can really know the depth of the despair you must be feeling but many of us have been there or are still there to varying degrees. You're fighting a very tough mental battle right now and that's a difficult thing to do when you're well but having to do it when you're also fighting a physical battle makes it even more difficult because it's like a vicious cycle. The MM symptoms bring on the depression and suicidal thoughts and that leads to a worsening of symptoms and on and on it goes. I can only speak from my own experience but once I was able to get a better handle on my dark thoughts I was better able to handle all the days of feeling sick and dealing with vertigo etc. I'm always a work in progress as I still have some very dark days but I try as best I can to keep it in perspective and remind myself that I will have less dark days ahead of me and those days are what keep me going. I agree with June too. Focus on the things you CAN do not the things you can't do. Praise yourself for anything you accomplish during the day even if it's just getting out of bed and taking a shower. Those things are so simple for the rest of the world but for someone with MM they can be herculean tasks on a really bad day so pat yourself on the back and be proud of yourself for even the smallest of accomplishments but by the same token don't beat yourself up on the days when you're too sick to be able to do anything at all. We need to know that it's OK to take care of ourselves and not feel guilty about it when we're sick. Please don't give up on yourself. You're a person in this world and your life has value even if you don't feel like it does right now. Someone on this forum (my apologies for being unable to recall which member it was) said they're throwing the kitchen sink at their MM and trying anything and everything they can to try and get themselves feeling better. I thought that was a great way of putting it. Until you've exhausted every possible treatment there is you should never give up trying. One more thought that I'll leave you with regarding your original post of finding a cure. Wouldn't it be sad if you went through with your plans on January 1st and a real cure was discovered on January 2nd or there was already something out there that could work for you now that you hadn't tried yet? Please reconsider your decision and don't let the beast convince you to take something as precious as your life. Sending hugs, good thoughts and prayers of healing to you Debbie. Lulu
Debbie, "Quote" "I have always been strong and independent. Now I need people and I have no one. I continue to try to make people think everything is okay when it isn't." How can people know that you need them if you pretend you're okay? Tell them how it is with you. I know that it's hard to be dependent on other people, but sometimes it has to be that way. My life has become very limited due to Menieres as I can no longer do many things that I once used to do. It includes missing out on family weddings, graduations, etc., as it would involve flying and that has become impossible for me. Even reading, which I love, and handiwork such as crocheting, knitting, or embroidery, or being on the computer for awhile, or driving, are difficult and sometimes impossible for me at times, such as now. Many of us are struggling with this very difficult condition. Reach out, Debbie, not just on this forum but to people in your life. Be specific as to what you need from them. Then give them a chance to respond.
Debbie, along with others, I was gald to read your post. While you may not realize it, coming here and being brave enough to share what is going on is proof (at least to me!) that you truly are still in a mindset that is looking for reasons to hold on. Have you asked your doctor about pursuing VNS or Laby? either of those would absolutely fix your vertigo and help you get some of your life back. Was just wondering if you have discussed that with your doctor Here, as in "real life", you have to discount people that are rude. At the end of the day, you can't let anyone else have THAT power over you to make you feel bad or worse. Unfortunately there are always going to be people who don't think before speaking/writing. As you are on disability now, I would check with your social worker as there should be a program that would allow for a personal "helper" once a week or so that can come over and help with errands, groceries, etc.. When my mom was on disability (she is no longer with us unfortunately) it took quite some time before she would agree to the help. But once she did it made a huge difference in her overal outlook on life. Because it had someone coming over consistently (other than me) which gave her human contact but also because having that person allowed her to feel independent again because she didn't have to rely on friends and family. For her it made a difference that it was someone getting paid. My mom was one of the strongest willed people I have ever known! Last but not least...if you lost friends because you could no longer go for hikes or movies or whatever...they were not really a true friend anyway. Sounds harsh but for me, those kind of people are not needed. But I agree with others by saying that instead of putting up a good front - be honest with those around you. i think that you will be surprised at how people react. And it also releases a burden off your back trying to pretend to be or feel something you are not. My biggest relief with this thing was when I finally accepted that my control freak self couldn't impact or control this disease. That I had to rely on people at times and couldn't do everything myself and always be strong. I accepted that and with my mom's help starting appreciating the positives. Initially it could be the day where the ear pressure was crazy, couldn't hear over the ringing, off balance all day, tired, exhausted..but I didnt have a full 4+ hr vertigo attack. I started to thank God every night for that. It was hard to do at first. How to be thankful when the rest was all there? But my mom was right, there was a positive in that day. Debbie, some days it may be harder to find a positive...but I guarantee that there IS always something positive. I am sorry for the extra long post...o'k, not really sorry! But after going through losses over the last couple of years your post hits the heart. Take care
nicmgr, What a wonderful, inspiring post! Debbie, You see how many people here care about you? There are always people who will care about you if you just reach out. I'm so glad you decided to reach out here. I hope that reading about others personal experiences with this disease will give you the inner strength you need to seek help. Be it here or somewhere else. I am sure there are people in your life who would be devastated by your loss. There is always a reason for going on if you just look hard enough inside yourself to find it. I'm begging you to keep posting! Connect with people here you feel are empathetic to your situation. People make mistakes, but here there are always wonderful people willing and able to not only understand where you're at but to offer you support as well.
Just read this today, a description by a woman who bills herself as, "the lady who doesn't give up on life." I like that attitude, as I once wanted to give up on life. I'm glad that I didn't.
Debbie; I am the only one that called you a troll/sock puppet and I apologised for that. In lieu of that I did make a donation. Unfortunately, there are posters on this support forum who do play mind games, and thankfully it was brought to my attention you ARE NOT playing mind games. I believe I've seen your post on other menieres resources, which I know you will more people who suffer such as you or I, do. Posters are vague about what vestibular orders they do/don't have on this forum. As Karen and I said earlier, go talk to a certified family therapist about how menieres is making you feel. I've been there.