"Burnout", remission, relapse, what does it all mean?

I have posted a fair amount over the 13 years this ailment has controlled me.

A few months ago, my wife and I left our metropolis, where we had each lived nearly 50 years, to move to a smaller city, albeit our state capital, for economic and family reasons.

Within a week, my symptoms seemed to improve. Dramatically. I no longer needed a walking stick. I could go to the grocery store with my wife. To the shopping malls. I did not need a walking stick. I could even go to restaurants, and follow 80% of the conversations.

Part of that was knowing my balance functions were dead in both ears. So I have to rely on my eyes and my physical awareness of my surroundings. But as long as there is light, I walk without dizziness, without fear of a vertigo attack. I still have the brain fog, and occasional weirdness in my head that is like spaghetti in a blender, and the tinnitus, and the variable hearing, and the eye issues.

Of late, as our move has been chaotic, and our stress levels have risen, I have gotten worse again. Need to use my walking stick sometimes. Hearing worse. Brain fog worse. But I am strangely optimistic. I know once we get our home settled and arranged, and all the workmen are gone, we will have peace, quiet, a chance at serenity. I know stress has always been my killer. Not salt. Not caffeine. Stress. Always that.

We all have different arcs with this disease. I post this merely to note that, and perhaps to give heart to some who might be flagging. I wanted to be dead most of the last decade. I no longer do. I accept setbacks, because I have seen better, and knowing it is possible keeps me going. It is never easy, and it never will be. But hang in there. Life is experiences. If this illness makes you check out, you will never know what you might have had, but have lost. I would have missed so much had I offed myself a decade ago, which, given the severity of my MM, I was within a hair of doing. And I have read that too many of us do that. Do not. Please. Persevere, however hard it is. In the end, you will be glad you did.