We don't want to be alone. But we don't want someone in our face all the time. So we get married? How does that make sense. I'm on the verge of proposing. Half out of guilt. Half out of need. Is that what it comes down to?
No. When "we don't want to be alone, but we don't want someone in our face all the time" we form relationships with boundaries that allow personal space. The only difference between a relationship, in this case a romantic relationship & marriage is that the latter allows legal access to the others' finances & property, while the former doesn't. Which isn't to say a) all marriages hinge on financial interest, or b) that an unmarried couple in a romantic relationship do not or cannot have access to the others' finances & property, it simply means that if access to these things is given, it is granted devoid of the legal contract of marriage. It doesn't. Marrying someone, or proposing to someone out of guilt isn't a good idea. Can you clarify what you mean by "need"? Marrying someone because you "need" to, for instance, can imply dependance, or possibly codependence, rather than the freedom, choice, & autonomy of interdependence. To understand the distinctions between dependance, independence, & interdependence in this context, see Goldsmith's article. Again, you'll have to clarify why you feel guilty, what you mean by "need" or the reason why you feel you "need" to. Generally speaking, in less than healthy scenarios, yes, that's what it can come down to. In healthy scenarios, no, it isn't. Some marriages are pitiful, yes. Others are blissful. Between these two polar extremes you will find a spectrum. Where a marriage is found on this spectrum at any given time is subject to the individuals involved & the relationship the married couple have.
Nathan a beautiful, honest answer. Pupper if you need to ask these questions don't propose at this time. You need to figure out what it is you are looking for.
Marriage is not for special people. Both people have to feel like they are getting a good deal or it doesnt work.
Laying in bed I just read the title of this thread to the Chief to get her input and thoughts and we both had a good laugh.
Thanks for the replies. Especially yours Nathan. Much to think about from that, and the linked article. I get kinda freaked out sometimes. At the thought of it. And also at it being fish or cut-bait time. I suppose this feeling isn't unusual for people. She's a great girl. I'll explain more in this thread from time to time.