Perception of arrogance by others

Interesting observation that I thought I would share for conversational as well as warning sake. I learned in my last 2 workplaces that I was seen by some as being arrogant. This came as a complete shock because throughout my career I was always the friendly one, willing to help anyone. I realized that my behavior and appearance had changed as a result of this disease, and that caused a perception shift among my coworkers, manifest as “arrogance”.

This made sense to me when I gave it some thought - I typically have a pained, distant look on my face, when I walked around the office I did so either looking down or focusing on a distant object for stability avoiding too much eye contact or interaction along the way, in meetings I was typically stoic, just focusing on listening to others over the tinnitus, swirling head, and at least low-grade migraine. When answering people who stopped by my desk, I answered in the minimum and didn’t encourage anyone to stay behind and just chat, not the most desirable thing when you feel like crap.

Once I realized all of these things together, it made sense that the perception of me by sensitive people might be one of disconnectedness, superiority, and arrogance….who can assume that someone who *looks* normal has this kind of crap going on in their head.

I decided that one tactic to help avoid this is to tactfully make my condition known to co-workers, even inviting key people to coffee/lunch and tactfully sharing some information and how it affects me in the office. I could also lightly suggest that I don’t mind if this information is shared, with the hope that the information would trickle down, providing at least a chance that judgement could be replaced with understanding and some empathy/sympathy.

Not sure if this resonates with anyone in the group, but perhaps this may explain others' similar observations and avoid any new ones.

 

It's really great to hear from you and others on this thread that sharing with coworkers is helpful, I suspected that to be the case I believe after it was too late...and it's sharing the personal effects of the condition and not just the clinical facts. A friend turned me on to an Amazon Prime series called "Modern Love" and one of the episodes had Anne Hathaway as a woman with severe bipolar disorder. She wound up sharing the condition with her boss only after she got fired and went on to say it felt like an elephant off her chest, and her boss said she wish she knew earlier because that explains so much and made her feel more connected with her. That, along with the ADA laws (in the US) is a strong motivator for sharing what we're going through. Chances are other people (or close family/friends) are also going through some inconvenient medical condition, so there is likely empathy where it may not be expected. I have been shocked at how many people reply with "Oh wow, my mother/father/brother/friend as XYZ ear problem also". I'm looking for a new position at the moment and will plan to put all of this into practice when I land somewhere. Thanks for everyone for sharing their experience and for their kind feedback.