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Apathy

Discussion in 'Your Living Room' started by AnneT, Dec 24, 2019.

  1. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    "Apathy, like boredom, falls away under its own weight if you pay close attention to its mood, sensations, shape, texture, & associated tentacles—emotional & physical—from a nonjudgmental distance. Which is to say I encourage you to meditate on it. To reframe your perspective of it, as it arises, from the frame of disappointment to the frame of benevolent curiosity.

    With practice, this method of introspection will prevent you from falling into it, & allow it to fall past you." by Nathan

    I like this, Nathan! Thanks!

    I think my apathy right now is partly due to dealing with Meniere's, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia, recent diagnoses of asthma and plantar's fasciitis, and my usual hibernation feelings around the Winter Solstice. I'm also in another grief cycle, probably letting art school go, and wondering what's my life's purpose now.

    I have lots of good tools, and am practicing "easy does it". I might lie on the couch for quite awhile, but try to watch good shows that either boost my mood or allow me a good cry. I'm patient. When a little whiff of energy comes by, I do something... a little walk in the sun, knit, something that I actually feel like doing, not something I'd be forcing myself to do.

    I googled "how do I stop apathy" and there were some very interesting articles. I'll share some highlights during another wave of alertness.
     
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  2. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    I’m tired of being brave.
     
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  3. Onedayatatime

    Onedayatatime Active Member

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    Menieres Sucks! Sounds like it's time for a new plan of attack for 2020. Perhaps it's time for a trip to Laby Land. The depression that goes with this affliction is real and should not be ignored. Hang in there AnneT.;)
     
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  4. Clare

    Clare Active Member

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    AnneT, I'm glad you're getting to see your doc in just a few weeks.
    Bravery is way overrated when the foe is meniere's.
     
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  5. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    I’ve been ready for laby for a year! I suspect it’ll be gentamicin again for now, but I hope we can make a plan. I think she’s keener to do VNS, but I’m not!

    My full body and brain apathy is lifting a little. I bumped up my antidepressant, am free with my clonazepam when feeling wobbly or anxious, am eating pretty healthfully considering it’s the holidays, and am getting out in the sun even though it’s cold.

    It also helped to visit with some friends who are easy to be with. That part took me being a bit demanding on Hubby to drive me (forfeiting an activity he wanted to do) because I was feeling uneasy about driving at night.
     
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  6. Marta

    Marta Active Member

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    Anne just let it be. Don’t get annoyed with yourself, rest , do nothing.
    Panta rhei ! Nothing lasts forever. Your next appointment is round the corner and hopefully you will hear the news you want to hear. If needs be, exaggerate to get what you want. One day Anne, one day ....
     
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  7. wendy

    wendy Member

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    It is so disappointing you have to go down this path again but hang in there. Your doctor sounds knowledgeable and kind and you and her will be able to figure out the next step. Push for the laby if that is what you think will finally fix the problem. ❤️
     
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  8. Janny

    Janny New Member

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    Anne and everyone it is amazing how we all feel the same. It is a constant fight each day and no one can see what is going on because it is invisible. This group has given me strength and although Benny Hills B vitamins have not worked for me after being on them 3 weeks I still will continue but also try the JOH regime with the knowing that it has helped others, so maybe it will help me. I am also taking CBD oil for my anxiety as I don't want to go on addictive drugs and I find this is working very well. I hope we can all continue to support each other in this time as for me I just don't know what I would do if I never had all the understanding that I find here...A huge thank-you to everyone.
     
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  9. teesdale

    teesdale Member

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    Janny, years ago I started the JOH Regime on January 2 and it didn't start showing results until March 17. Just stay with it. If you can convince your doctor to prescribe the antivirals I would give those a try as well.

    JOH once sent me a note explaining what convinced him that this beast can be viral. After starting his regimen and having great results for a year, he began taking L-Arginine as part of his daily vitamin intake. Within a couple of weeks all his symptoms returned. When researching L-Arginine he found it was a herpes instigator. He removed it from his diet and quickly returned to symptom-free living for years. That sealed the deal for him on what is responsible for his MM and it seems to be the same for mine and many others.

    Best of health to you in the New Year!
     
  10. Onedayatatime

    Onedayatatime Active Member

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    Something about new years that always brings me down. No real reason for it as 2019 was a year of discovery for me and healing for my son. I had an MRI today to track progress on a lump in my head. All I can think about is "here we go again", when I sould be thanking God for putting my vertigo to rest. I wish I could understand where these negative feelings come from. That is what I would like to fix in 2020. Apathy is one word. Negativity is a better word for how I view the year end transition. I need to stop focusing on the problems and spend more time celebrating the success.

    Cheers to all!
     
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  11. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    I went out of town to visit my elderly parents. Even it’s not easy seeing them struggle, just being around more people, getting to walk by the ocean, change of scenery seems to have knocked the apathy/depression etc back.

    My dad is still a very energetic 80+ year old, who really values hard work and getting things done, work hard/play hard. I whined that my health problems make me feel so useless. He was unusually gushy and said I am useful to my parents, husband, kids etc just being me.

    I also realized that part of my glumness is wanting to keep up with Hubby and not prevent him from doing things he likes... but when I don’t feel well, of course I don’t want to travel, go to live music, movies etc. I feel pressure because he mostly likes to do stuff with me. Just sharing that with him, even with no conclusions or plans, helps my mindset somehow.

    So I carry on, using my surviving and thriving tools as best I can! Indeed, it’s vital having this support group! Thanks all!
     
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  12. Janny

    Janny New Member

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    Thank-you so very much for those encouraging words. Just having people who understand this is a great boost to my morale. I have been trying to research how a person gets the herpes virus in them. I have never had chicken pox or even a cold sore so there must be something else if this is the cause. Anyway, what I am concerned with is getting well again and this has given me hope. Even if it takes time then it will be worth it. Your words have given me a boost and I needed that...so thank-you so much....Janny
     
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  13. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    Man am I ever tired again today!

    I tried resting but seem revved up and exhausted all at once. I’ll go try a little walk in the chilly sun.
     
  14. Pupper

    Pupper Active Member

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    AnneT: "revved up and exhausted all at once"

    same here.
     
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  15. Gardengal

    Gardengal Member

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    Pupper, forgive me for not being current on your situation. Did you have the second VNS?
     
  16. Pupper

    Pupper Active Member

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    It's so ok not to recall. Many members here.

    I did have my second VNS. A bit more than a year ago. I don't get spinning attacks anymore. i give credit to the 2nd vns for that. I pray that it's the surgery and not merely remission. If I ever get the 8 hour spins again I swear I'm checking out.

    I do have head movement dizziness, but it's tolerable. Someday I hope to ask God what the hell is exactly wrong with me.
     
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  17. Marta

    Marta Active Member

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    Anne how are you getting on??
     
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  18. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    Hi Marta
    The depression/apathy is lifting. The longer daylight is helping, and working on acceptance etc. Thanks for asking!
     
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  19. Nathan

    Nathan Active Member

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    Subsurface ocean, Europa
    *Chuckles.. et cetera, Anne? Et cetera!

    "Working on acceptance etc" is analogous to reading a compelling book, only for it to vaporise in my hands after having read the first two chapters.

    Acceptance is a noun featuring so many different meanings & psychosocial functions that I'm reliably perplexed & disorientated in the absence of a qualifying statement, or the further exploration of the word & its contextual landscape.

    Can you possibly clarify what you mean by acceptance, & what it is your acceptance is in reference to? Or must I design a machine to put this book back together atom by atom?
     
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  20. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    Nathan
    Thanks for always cracking me up and tickling my brain.

    Acceptance for me... is coming from several sources. Some is from 12 step wisdom, as in The Serenity Prayer. Part of feeling so depressed was simply another wave of grief over what my health conditions have taken from me. It helps to stop arguing with reality.

    I accept that I have Menieres, CFS, and a touch of ADD. I accept that certain buildings make me feel yucky, so I quit art school. I was sad and mad about that. But once I accept this situation, I’m in a better spot to make the most of it, to focus on what I still am able to do.

    When I throw in some gratitude and “taking in the good” (excellent little book called Just One Thing by Rick Hanson), I feel and do better.

    When I lack acceptance and gratitude, I’m fighting reality and get miserable.

    A lovely Irish lady who has MS so understands chronic disease told me (read with an Irish accent!) “Shit happens. You’ve got to give it over to God and ask Him to compost that manure into something good.” (Replace “God” with Universe or Inner Wisdom or whatever works for you.)
     
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