Keep Working It?

For a while I have been using meditation to help me through each month. Since I have been keeping strict records every day to gauge what is happening with the Meniere's I noticed that about the same time the DAs increase, so does my self-deprecating thoughts, and boy can they get ugly. A couple months ago, I began really focusing on my heart chakra and meditating to open it up. I closed off my heart as a child thanks to the abuse I endured. This was a very huge step for me. I noticed last month when the DAs increased I could literally watch the ugly, hateful words begin to form and then just as if I were deleting words on a typed page, I watched them vanish from my mind. This really helped me get through last month's brutal bout.

Just coming out of a bout this month and things seem to be worse. I thought I was at a place where I could once again bestow healing energy to others and help them. Now, I am unable to focus on my meditations and am trying to rebuild the walls around my heart. I am trying to keep the ugly thoughts at bay, but they seep in and I want to lash out at myself the way I did physically back in December.

I don't know if I should keep working on what I had been doing or just finally give in to this vicious dragon called Meniere's and let him have the ultimate victory.

 

DA = Drop Attacks

It is usually those of us with bilateral Meniere's that experience this "wonderful" phenomenon.

 

Attending an online class to help me learn new ways to open this up and refocus to improve the inner balance since I can't really do anything about the physical balance. It is helping some.