Meniere's Ministry Spiritual support for those with Meniere's Disease and those who love them with our Chaplain, Rev. Forrest S. Clark . Welcome Why me? Why NOT Me? It's a Matter of Attitude (In a later post) Email Forrest at [email protected] Visit Forrest's home page at FSClark Services - Welcome! Welcome Hi! I’m Forrest Clark and I have Meniere’s Disease (left side only with loss of hearing, tinnitus, fullness and only rare vertigo attacks). If you’ve found your way here, you probably know about Meniere’s Disease (I’ll call it MM for short from now on). If you don’t know about MM, click on http://www.menieres.org and you’ll get the full story! I was diagnosed with MM in the spring of 1996, although I’ve probably had it developing since the late 1980s. It was both a shock and a relief. The shock was getting the word that I had a disease that the doctor could not cure and that he didn’t even know what caused it! The relief was in finally knowing what was happening to me, that I wasn’t going crazy, that I didn’t have a brain tumor, and that I could do something to help myself. It was also terribly depressing as I realized that I was going to live with this unwelcome companion for the rest of my life. I’m also a member of the clergy (Elder, Wisconsin Conference, The United Methodist Church). In the course of my ministry, I’ve been a pastor, an educator, and a denominational staff member. This page is an introduction to a specialized ministry that I am developing, the Meniere’s Ministry. This Meniere’s Ministry is aimed specifically at my sisters and brothers who have MM. I understand the physical, emotional, and spiritual dimensions of living with an incurable disease because I share that disease with you. I know the impact it has on family, spouse and children, as they try to cope with someone they love contending with loss of capabilities. And I know the vital and continuing role that religious faith has played in my own experience of MM and in trying to cope with it. I hope that sharing my faith, experiences, emotions, and spiritual observations can help others find their way through MM to enjoy the fullness of life that I believe we are intended to have. This is not a doctrinal or ideological forum. I don’t intend to try to "convert" anyone and I will not argue with anyone about faith experience or their meaning. The Meniere’s Ministry page is my attempt to connect spiritual wholeness and health with people who are in the throes of a disease that causes much dis-ease and distress. In a sense, I am attempting to be a Chaplain to those who have MM. If the services of a Chaplain can help, I’m here for you. I don’t pretend to have all the answers. I’m on a journey through life like all of us and there is a lot that I don’t know and haven’t experienced. But I can share what I’ve experienced, how I’ve coped (and where I’ve failed to cope), and what I’ve discovered about the relation of faith to health and wholeness. Contact me via email at [email protected]. If I can help, get in touch. Forrest Why Me? Why NOT Me? "God, I’m pretty upset about this Meniere’s thing! Why did you let this happen to me? I need my hearing to be a minister for you. So do something!" Even as I thought that, I knew that life doesn’t work that way just because I want it to. Even preachers get Meniere’s Disease. "Why me?" Somehow, I never get around to asking that question when I am doing well in life and the profession to which I am called. "Why me?" is a question I never think about when things are going well. However, "Why me?" was one of the first questions I asked of myself after my doctor told me I was losing hearing in one of my ears and that I would have to contend with dizziness and noise the rest of my life. "Why me? I haven’t done anything. God, why did you let this happen to me?" I did get pretty angry with God. Fortunately God is big enough to handle it. God lets us express our anger and still stands by for comfort and for strength. Why me, God? Why not you? Are you any better than anyone else that you shouldn’t have to face the failure of a part of your body? Well, of course not, God. You know I’m not any better than anyone else is. (You got that right, Forrest.) Uh, yeah. But, God, I didn’t do anything to deserve all this whirling and nausea and losing my hearing and . . . You think bad things only happen to bad people, that illnesses and diseases are punishments I hand out for doing "bad" things? No, God, I know better than that. But I just thought this was more than I deserved to have to cope with. Forrest, are you listening to me? "Deserve" is your word, not mine. Our relationship isn’t based on you being good enough to "deserve" rewarding or being punished if you aren’t good enough. I said that I would be your God and you would be one of my people. That means I’m here, whether your head is full of good thoughts or hung over the edge of the toilet. I’m with you through it all. Remember the night you lay on the floor between the bedroom and the bathroom? I was with you then. I thought that was my wife, Mary, who held me. She did hold you, but I was there with her and with you. Do you think you’re the only one affected by this? She needed me too; she was scared! So what am I supposed to DO? You’re not supposed to DO; you’re supposed to BE. Be who you are meant to be. Are you going to let noise in your head and twirling in your stomach make you someone different from who you already are? Someone different from the person whom I know you are capable of being? I’m with you and I’ll help you get through it all. My conversation with God didn’t stop there. It is still going on as I try to live with MM as a fact of every day life. And live with it I do because it is a part of who I am. You are part of that conversation, too. Want to talk about it? Try email: [email protected]. Why me? Why NOT me? It can happen to anybody. And it doesn’t have anything at all to do with faith or lack of faith or goodness or lack of goodness. MM just happens. (Why it happens to anybody at all is a completely different question. I’ll try to talk about that one of these days, too -- at least from the point of view of theology. But I’ll hold that for another time.) Grace and peace to you, my friends! Forrest
One more article: It's A Matter of Attitude Forrest S. Clark, D. Min. © 1997 It seems to me that there are two basic approaches to life. The proverbial partially filled glass of water illustrates these approaches. Is the glass half-full or is it half-empty? Perhaps, the greatest difference between people is in what they anticipate. What do you anticipate? What are you looking for? What are you waiting for, hoping for? Norman Vincent Peale told of an old man who appeared on a popular television program. He had received a prize for winning a contest and he proceeded to steal the show with his quick wit and exuberant spirit. The host of the show said to him, "It's easy to see that you are a very happy man. What's your secret? Let us in on it." "Well, son," the fellow said, "it's as plain as the nose on your face. When I wake up in the morning, I have two choices. One is to be unhappy; the other is to be happy. And I want you to know, sonny, that I'm not as dumb as I may look. I'm smart enough to choose happiness. I just make up my mind to be happy . . . that's all there is to it." (Have a Great Day, 1985). Attitude; it's a matter of attitude. Of course, there are folks more like John Randolph of Virginia, one of the heroes of the Revolutionary War era. Randolph seemed to have everything going for him. He had exhaustless energy, initiative, honesty, and a talent for business. But historian Gamalial Bradford, after analyzing Randolph's public life, said of him, that John Randolph opposed all parties, all movements, and pretty much all people. In short, he said, "he was a furious negative -- nothing more." That's a tragic waste of life brought about by an unnecessarily negative view of the world. What is your attitude toward life? Is it basically negative or is it positive? Do you say I can't stand the dizziness? Or do you say I can get through this! Do you say I can't stand being helpless? Or do you say, Thank God for all the people who have been there when I needed them? Do you say I could never do that? Or do you say I'll give it a try? Peter Marshall once preached a sermon on "The Problem of Falling Rocks," alluding to the signs that appear alongside the road in some areas. Marshall said, "You…have two alternatives: you can drive on and risk the falling rocks, creeping along, peering anxiously upward at every rock, stopping every time a rock looks like it might dislodge, never seeing the view and being in pain the whole time. And you will never change the fact that when the rock decides to respond to gravity it will fall whether you are watching or not. Or, you can go to the mountains, observe the sign, be cautious, but decide not to worry about falling rocks and enjoy the drive . . . The worrying of the driver has absolutely no effect upon the rock." Attitude IS important. Do you get so absorbed in worrying about rocks that might fall on you that you forget to appreciate the gift of the scenery around you? Or do you enjoy the beauty framed by those rocks that might fall, but that aren't falling right now? Several years ago, I saw the results of a study that said people identified as being pessimistic are more likely to die within the next ten years than those seen as optimistic. The most negative persons had the highest death rate. Do we need to conclude, therefore, don't worry, be happy? We all have days when we find it hard to be positive, days when the negatives we encounter in life seem overwhelming. The Psalmist often speaks for us in those situations. For instance, he speaks with certainty and surety when he says, Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud, be gracious and answer me. We can seek God's face even in the darkest hours and know that God does not forsake us. And he also says, I believe that I shall see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. So how do we translate that faith statement into life action? Let's learn from a little book from Arco Publishers that is entitled Tips on Presiding. In that book, the writer says, "When the chair[person] of a meeting is presented with a negatively worded motion, he[/she] should ask the maker of the motion to make it positive. The purpose is not to alter the intent of the motion, but simply to make it workable. Experience has taught that negatively worded motions tend to defeat their own purposes." Negatively viewed living tends to defeat the purpose of life. We know that pessimism and optimism are not personality traits we display without any change throughout our lives. Rather, they are learned ways of explaining trouble to ourselves as we go through life. And the influences upon us help determine which one we acquire. Like the woman who walked into the playroom at the doctor's office where her son had been throwing darts. She looked at the five darts in the target, then at the one on the floor, and said to him, "You missed one, didn't you?" That boy is likely to have a hard time developing a positive attitude toward life if that is the message he gets every day. Attitudes, once learned, can be changed, however. There is life after pessimism. One can recover from this dis-ease. And we need to unlearn this learned grumpiness since optimists are life's big winners. Negative thinkers perform more poorly in school, work, and play, than those who cheerfully face obstacles. Pessimists have poorer resistance, weaker immune systems, are more susceptible to depression, and age physically faster than the optimists. One way of dealing with the adversities that drive us towards pessimism is to develop a sense of humor. Socrates was a great philosopher in ancient Greece. It is told that one day his wife scolded him with scornful words and dumped a bucket of water upon his head, to which, in true philosophical fashion, Socrates remarked that after so much thunder and lightning, he expected a shower. It's a matter of attitude. What's yours? Do you have an optimism that carries you through the hard days, or do you try to hide an irascible pessimism behind the label of realism? The attitude with which we approach life is something we learn. And the attitude with which we approach life is the direction in which we lead when called upon to do so. Jesus tried to fill his disciples with a positive attitude, one that dealt realistically with pain and suffering, but that continued to celebrate the fullness of life as it is given by God. The world you see is a picture of your own state of mind, an outward picture of an inward condition. Just as Jesus called the first disciples to receive with hospitality and grace those who differed and were different, so he calls us today to be open and receptive to new people and ideas and ways. This is the spirit that reflects the mind of Jesus and is the spirit that can lead us to live in peace and harmony with one another and in the mind of Christ. This is the spirit of leadership. It is the spirit we are called to have -- you and I. Will you open yourself to its presence and its leading this morning? It's a matter of attitude! And the glass is filling up to overflowing. I just make up my mind to be happy. I just make up my mind to see the brilliance of God's light shining in my life and on the world. Thanks be to God! Forrest
Admin Post Thank you so much for sharing and offering your spiritual support to folks, Forrest! I've added it to our database under Coping/Info category. All the best, Ray
How does someone cope with this disease when they are all alone in this world with no outside help? Thank-You
Glenn, I don't have any definitive answers on coping. I can only share what I do and that is to live one day at a time trying to do the very best I can. Some days, that is wallowing through the self-pity that can afflict any of us. Other days, it is finding a way to help others. There are days that just getting through is the best I can do. And there are days that I get a surprising amount done. Use this forum as a place to not be "all alone in this world" but to know that there are people just like you who are willing to be here for you. And, by the way, I fully agree that "having this disease is NOT for sissies!"
My Mom used to say "getting old isn't for sissies" especially when she would spend days in bed with the spins.
Thanks for this thread. I’ve also had conversations with God/the Universe/Inner Wisdom/Great Spirit/Higher Power. I’ve also had that sense that my job is now to BE rather than DO, though I’m so grateful for days when I can also do and feel feel useful. My question is still , why is there suffering at all, not just me? This disease has taught to me leave my ego out, and to hold my plans ever so lightly. None of us choose this, but it’s our Hero’s journey. It’s hard to decide whether to make plans - what’s reckless denial of my reality vs unnecessary isolation? So I check in with Myself a lot, and have exit strategies. I’m learning to practice the heck out of gratitude and optimism. Sometimes during an attack I’ll imagine (or maybe it’s real!) my ancestors about me, angels supporting me. Once Jesus sat on the couch with me and knitted! Just keeping me company while we waited for the vertigo to stop. Maybe it’s the drugs, maybe not. I’ve had words with Big Guy. I’ve sent him petitions why He should eliminate Menieres, and heal me. I get a gentle but firm reply that They are aware of my situation. So I carry on as best as I can. I try different treatments. I research what’s on this website, and am happy for some connection here. That’s it for today.
Welcome to the forum! Hopefully it will help you feel a little less alone. What supports do you have - friends, family, communities (work, clubs, support groups, spiritual communities, neighbors?) How long have you had Menieres?
Just came across this stream and although it's been three years since anyone has commented I felt the urge to add my thoughts. I so believe in my Father and the blessings he has bestowed upon me. I do not believe he caused me to have Menieres; it was heredity for me... my mother had it, suffered long, had the original Endolymphatic Sac Enhancement as well as the revision surgery for her relief of symptoms. I had the same procedures as well as the Gent injections. My mother's Dr. who also treated me, told of stress being the number one cause of Menieres. I used to thrive on stress, and knew what effects it could have on my body, but that didn't stop me. Actually, I would begin sensing an off-balance aura, like a light switch flickering a light, and if I stopped what I was doing and asked for help to reduce my stress, all would be good for awhile. But if I ignored the flickering light and didn't make any changes to my lifestyle, the light switch would go fully to the "on" position and I was doomed with a return of symptoms. I was (and still am) an eternal optimist who tries so hard to help as many people as I can. I have rarely asked the Lord for anything for myself, but mainly help for others. I have so much and others have so little whether it is in personal possessions or in faith and love. I DO believe the Lord has delivered to us the knowledge and expertise of specialists who can and will help us find relief for our Menieres symptoms. I have run the gambit from mild dizzy spells to the ones that take you to the floor and have such violent waves of dizziness that you vomit for 3 hours when there is nothing left to come out. Days on end of these waves is no way to live and whatever you have to do to find someone who can take those symptoms away I figure is God sent. So I don't feel it's God's will that we have it, nor is it his will that we should suffer either if there are others out there who can help us through it. It is so difficult to remain positive in the midst of a severe attack. Depression becomes overwhelming and thoughts of ending it all comes to mind often, even for an optimist. Everyone has their limits and no amount of telling myself that there are others out there who are in worse shape than I does little to abate those feelings of despair. I have been there many times. After going through the traditional options of avoiding salt, drinking lots of water, diuretics etc, I was fortunate to respond to medical treatments. I believe God put these people in my path to help me help myself. All my life I have been surrounded by wonderful people He has sent or placed in my path for almost every decision I've ever made. My mother always told me there would be an answer within three people; 1) to let people know what you were dealing with, 2) someone knows of someone who either has the answer or knows who will know the answer, and 3) the final contact. I have always found this to be the case. You have to network with the people around you. This is how God works,,,, he places these people in your life for a reason. We all need to help each other. God Bless us all. He is great.
