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What I Heard: What Was Really Said:

Discussion in 'Your Front Porch' started by Autumninthefall, Dec 28, 2017.

  1. This happens to me ALL OF THE TIME. Usually, what I heard was pretty funny verses what was actually said.

    What I heard my nephew say: “I have to go open a Costco account.”

    What was really said: “I’m about to go take the car out.”
     
  2. Pupper

    Pupper Active Member

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    This is the perfect topic for our malady. I hear people say the oddest things. I'll try and remember them for this thread.

    "What I heard my nephew say: “I have to go open a Costco account.”

    Is he just a kid? If so that must have been really funny.
     
  3. No, he’s a teen. He’s currently about as anti-consumerism as you can get, so still pretty funny.

    Football game on television today.

    What I heard the announcer say, “He switched schools to extend his punching career.”

    What was really said: “He switched schools to extend his PUNTING career.”
     
  4. mbgphoto79

    mbgphoto79 Member

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    Or: He sniffed stools to amend his bunting career
     
  5. LOL don’t mess with my brain. I MAY HAVE bungled it that much! :D
     
  6. Husband’s watching one of those real-life cop/people getting arrested shows on television while I read. I stop when this catches my attention.

    What I heard cop on show say: “Do you have any weapons or [email protected]?

    After asking spouse for clarification...

    What the the cop on show really said: “Do you have any weapons on you, boss?”

    *what I did NOT misunderstand was same cop, telling same guy, a minute later:

    “This isn’t the first time I’ve had you in handcuffs!” Followed immediately by, “Last time it was your living room, and you was in your underwear.”

    ::slapping my forehead:: why would the cop say this when he knows he’s being filmed?!
     
  7. mbgphoto79

    mbgphoto79 Member

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    ^^^ ;D ;D ;D

    Wife "there's cheese in the driveway"

    What she said "she's on a two hour delay"
     
  8. Pupper

    Pupper Active Member

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    Autumn, MBG, those last two posts killed me.

    Quiet Riot Song:

    Heard: We're all little men

    Actual: We're all metal mad
     
  9. mbgphoto79

    mbgphoto79 Member

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    Your post made me think. Ever since I can remember, I always thought singers were just mumbling along to the music, using their voices as an instrument and not actually forming words. I was older than I would like to admit before I understood that lyrics were a thing. I wonder if I always had issues with hearing and just never knew it?
     
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  10. Pupper

    Pupper Active Member

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    You should've put this in the The Weird Thing About Me thread, cause that's freaking odd.
     
  11. mbgphoto79

    mbgphoto79 Member

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    I'm just odd in general, Pup.

    What my wife said "where's the other thing?"

    What I heard "I wanna eat some DDT"
     
  12. I go away a couple of days, I come back, and now I can’t stop laughing at you two. I’m going crackers!
     
  13. Melc

    Melc Member

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    My 13 year old grandson was here . Bryan Adams’ Summer of ‘69 came on the radio and suddenly he gets all shocked and says “ Gramma!” I’m confused so I ask him what’s the problem.

    He heard: I got my first sex dream.
    What was sung: I got my first six string.

    We had a good laugh.
     
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  14. ROFL that’s TOO cute! 13 years old...hmmm poor thing!
     
  15. mbgphoto79

    mbgphoto79 Member

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    Wife "The dollar store is where I buy my wrapping paper"

    Heard "If I was a whore I'd buy a half an acre"
     
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    • Funny Funny x 1
  16. Cheryl

    Cheryl Member

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    ^^^^^^^ Laughing out loud.
     
  17. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    These are great. I want more. I was thinking about starting a booklet of my mishearings. Some were hilarious but I can’t remember any right now. I should have some contributions soon.
     
  18. Nathan

    Nathan Active Member

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    That is hilarious.

    Many years prior to my diagnosis—which renders this slightly more embarrassing—my girlfriend & I were pillow talking while Angel by Massive Attack played in the background. On both a personal whim & an attempt to make her laugh, I adopted an emphasised beatific expression & sang along to what I thought were two lines of said song in Elizabeth Fraser's soprano, though tender vocal range.

    I sang gentle hair lotion, shakes me, makes me wiser.

    I made her laugh, though for reasons I hadn't anticipated.

    I've misheard oodles of things post-diagnosis & embarrassed myself on countless occasions by responding to what I thought I heard, however like you no specific posterior-diagnosis mishearings come to mind.

    I do however remember the above vividly. She, my girlfriend, had a cold at the time & while simultaneously laughing & correcting my error a runny drop of mucus fluid fell from her nose & landed directly on my forehead—which made me join her in laugher, amplified her own, & induced an exceptionally memorable laughing spree.
     
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  19. Nathan

    Nathan Active Member

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    Subsurface ocean, Europa
    That should be Teardrop, rather than Angel, by Massive attack.

    (Why will I never learn to proofread my comments prior to posting them? Why? I so annoy myself in this way.)
     
  20. AnneT

    AnneT Active Member

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    Hubby says, that was a nice walk. And you had no pain!

    How does he know whether I had pain?? How presumptuous!

    He says, No no, you had no cane.

    Oh well, never mind.
     
    • Funny Funny x 1

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