What I Heard: What Was Really Said:

This is the perfect topic for our malady. I hear people say the oddest things. I'll try and remember them for this thread.

"What I heard my nephew say: “I have to go open a Costco account.”

Is he just a kid? If so that must have been really funny.

 

Or: He sniffed stools to amend his bunting career

 

^^^ ;D ;D ;D

Wife "there's cheese in the driveway"

What she said "she's on a two hour delay"

 

Autumn, MBG, those last two posts killed me.

Quiet Riot Song:

Heard: We're all little men

Actual: We're all metal mad

 

Your post made me think. Ever since I can remember, I always thought singers were just mumbling along to the music, using their voices as an instrument and not actually forming words. I was older than I would like to admit before I understood that lyrics were a thing. I wonder if I always had issues with hearing and just never knew it?

 

You should've put this in the The Weird Thing About Me thread, cause that's freaking odd.

 

I'm just odd in general, Pup.

What my wife said "where's the other thing?"

What I heard "I wanna eat some DDT"

 

My 13 year old grandson was here . Bryan Adams’ Summer of ‘69 came on the radio and suddenly he gets all shocked and says “ Gramma!” I’m confused so I ask him what’s the problem.

He heard: I got my first sex dream.
What was sung: I got my first six string.

We had a good laugh.

 

Wife "The dollar store is where I buy my wrapping paper"

Heard "If I was a whore I'd buy a half an acre"

 

^^^^^^^ Laughing out loud.

 

These are great. I want more. I was thinking about starting a booklet of my mishearings. Some were hilarious but I can’t remember any right now. I should have some contributions soon.

 

That is hilarious.

Many years prior to my diagnosis—which renders this slightly more embarrassing—my girlfriend & I were pillow talking while Angel by Massive Attack played in the background. On both a personal whim & an attempt to make her laugh, I adopted an emphasised beatific expression & sang along to what I thought were two lines of said song in Elizabeth Fraser's soprano, though tender vocal range.

I sang ‘gentle hair lotion, shakes me, makes me wiser.’

I made her laugh, though for reasons I hadn't anticipated.

I've misheard oodles of things post-diagnosis & embarrassed myself on countless occasions by responding to what I thought I heard, however like you no specific posterior-diagnosis mishearings come to mind.

I do however remember the above vividly. She, my girlfriend, had a cold at the time & while simultaneously laughing & correcting my error a runny drop of mucus fluid fell from her nose & landed directly on my forehead—which made me join her in laugher, amplified her own, & induced an exceptionally memorable laughing spree.

 

That should be Teardrop, rather than Angel, by Massive attack.

(Why will I never learn to proofread my comments prior to posting them? Why? I so annoy myself in this way.)

 

Hubby says, that was a nice walk. And you had no pain!

How does he know whether I had pain?? How presumptuous!

He says, No no, you had no cane.

Oh well, never mind.